You know the story. We wished for you.
I wrote you letters before I even knew Daddy. I wished for you to be STRONG. I wished you courage. I wished you beauty - the deep down to your soul kind. I wished you compassion and humor. And, of course, health. All the best things I knew how to wish for, I wished for you. But that was only the beginning
And then you arrived - all of my wishes and then some. It never occurred to me to wish for eyes that sparkled the way that yours do, in a color I'd never imagined. I hadn't thought to wish for laughter that could change the air in the room, or that dazzling sunshine smile. You will unlock hearts with that smile. And your curiosity: you will change the world with those questions you're always asking. The best questions.
I know it's hard sometimes, to feel so deeply, to notice everything the way that you do. And to care so much. I know it makes life harder sometimes. But it will make life richer, too. Every day I see you growing, turning challenges into lesson into gifts. I love the way you shine them, and share them with everyone around you.
Thank you for taking all my wishes and multiplying them! You are better than our wildest dreams of you.
Happy Birthday, Shenshine! You truly rock!
Friday, March 7, 2014
Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Remember "Use it or lose it"?
I'm struck by the catch phrases lately. The top 10 lists. The sound bites, abbreviations, loopholes and Cliff's notes that dominate our culture. If life is supposed to be about the journey and not the destination, why are we dedication so much of our time looking for short cuts?
The Oxford English Dictionary recently added 65 words. Not surprisingly, many of the words were actually abbreviations and acronyms for words we're now too lazy to say. I'm concerned about raising my children in a place where "TL;DR" (too long; didn't read) is one of the most widely used new "words". No wonder this generation is experiencing such acute FOMO ("fear of missing out") - another word that was made official in the dictionary this year - people are literally skipping over anything that takes too long. And since we've grown accustomed to getting things quickly, that "too long" window continues to shrink.
I'm trying to think of where we went wrong, because I'm fairly certain we started off with good intentions. We generally do. I suspect that "progress" was the seed that blossomed into this world of instant gratification, which has quietly drained us of patience, creativity and inspiration. We've spent the last several decades working to make life easier. At first it was inspiration and innovation - we had this wonderful idea that we could improve our quality of life and we worked to create these brilliant modern conveniences. Televisions, microwaves and fast food transformed our lives. And then we went from TV to TV remotes to TiVo. Home-cooked meals became TV dinners became Ensure. Conversations became e-mails became texts.
Giving the people what they want has changed the people. We may actually be less of ourselves, thanks to modern technology and a world of conveniences. Because, really, what is the end game when we accelerate everything and burn calories faster? That sounds to me like using up our bodies faster; and we kind of need those to live. What happens when we make a habit of seeking out the "no brainers"? Doesn't it stand to reason that, after making decision after decision without actually engaging our minds, hearts, and consciences; we may eventually have trouble accessing them? Thinking, exploring, feeling, discovering - they are activities I want to embrace. And, while ease and speed can be great, they can also deprive us of opportunities to practice patience and develop problem-solving skills among other things. Without those, we’re increasingly dependent on a quick fix and outside resources and we lose out on the satisfaction of overcoming life’s challenges.
So I see this vicious cycle developing. We can't wait for results and it takes too long to learn. We need to work longer hours to earn more money so we can pay other people to do things we don't have time to do. Other people do our research for us, weigh our options and spoonfeed us “in a nutshell” information that influence our decisions. We’re accept the easily digestible images on billboards and the 30 second ads that tell us we can (and should) lose weight without exercising and changing our diets. Why spend the time exploring the origins of what ails you when you can pop a pill?
In those uncomfortable moments, when I don’t like the way I look in my full-length mirror, or when I’ve pushed the caffeine intake/sleep deprivation ratio to migraine-inducing levels, the magic pills are tempting. And I often think that I’m “saving myself a trip”, when I spend an extra hour in front of a computer screen placing online orders instead of going into town to buy the things I need. But I’m rethinking my priorities. I am reminding myself that, just because there are products that will make my body forge ahead when I'm overworked, exhausted or in pain, it doesn’t mean they benefit me. Even if (especially if) they make me skinny. I am realizing that the easy way out, is often the way out of really living my life.
There’s merit in getting through difficult moments – actually feeling the feelings and then working through them - or at least exploring how I got to them. I think it’s worthwhile to get beyond the self-disgust, resignation, sadness or frustration and look at things from a different perspective. There are lessons and challenges within them. There are ways to grow buried just under the surface of these moments.
In 2014, I'm trying to find my way back. I will catch myself operating on autopilot. and I will stop and look around. I will hear what the experts have to say, but I will look at the information for myself and trust my own instincts. I will stop and take walks even if they don’t lead to checking something off my list. I will learn for the love of learning and I will not let a sound bite determine what I should wear, buy, eat or look like. This year, I plan to embrace the challenges. I want to learn the lesson for myself, even if I make mistakes and it takes longer and I have to stop and think and do things differently than everyone around me. And it will be intentional. I’m going to count my blessings and use my gifts. Every one of them.
The Oxford English Dictionary recently added 65 words. Not surprisingly, many of the words were actually abbreviations and acronyms for words we're now too lazy to say. I'm concerned about raising my children in a place where "TL;DR" (too long; didn't read) is one of the most widely used new "words". No wonder this generation is experiencing such acute FOMO ("fear of missing out") - another word that was made official in the dictionary this year - people are literally skipping over anything that takes too long. And since we've grown accustomed to getting things quickly, that "too long" window continues to shrink.
I'm trying to think of where we went wrong, because I'm fairly certain we started off with good intentions. We generally do. I suspect that "progress" was the seed that blossomed into this world of instant gratification, which has quietly drained us of patience, creativity and inspiration. We've spent the last several decades working to make life easier. At first it was inspiration and innovation - we had this wonderful idea that we could improve our quality of life and we worked to create these brilliant modern conveniences. Televisions, microwaves and fast food transformed our lives. And then we went from TV to TV remotes to TiVo. Home-cooked meals became TV dinners became Ensure. Conversations became e-mails became texts.
Giving the people what they want has changed the people. We may actually be less of ourselves, thanks to modern technology and a world of conveniences. Because, really, what is the end game when we accelerate everything and burn calories faster? That sounds to me like using up our bodies faster; and we kind of need those to live. What happens when we make a habit of seeking out the "no brainers"? Doesn't it stand to reason that, after making decision after decision without actually engaging our minds, hearts, and consciences; we may eventually have trouble accessing them? Thinking, exploring, feeling, discovering - they are activities I want to embrace. And, while ease and speed can be great, they can also deprive us of opportunities to practice patience and develop problem-solving skills among other things. Without those, we’re increasingly dependent on a quick fix and outside resources and we lose out on the satisfaction of overcoming life’s challenges.
So I see this vicious cycle developing. We can't wait for results and it takes too long to learn. We need to work longer hours to earn more money so we can pay other people to do things we don't have time to do. Other people do our research for us, weigh our options and spoonfeed us “in a nutshell” information that influence our decisions. We’re accept the easily digestible images on billboards and the 30 second ads that tell us we can (and should) lose weight without exercising and changing our diets. Why spend the time exploring the origins of what ails you when you can pop a pill?
In those uncomfortable moments, when I don’t like the way I look in my full-length mirror, or when I’ve pushed the caffeine intake/sleep deprivation ratio to migraine-inducing levels, the magic pills are tempting. And I often think that I’m “saving myself a trip”, when I spend an extra hour in front of a computer screen placing online orders instead of going into town to buy the things I need. But I’m rethinking my priorities. I am reminding myself that, just because there are products that will make my body forge ahead when I'm overworked, exhausted or in pain, it doesn’t mean they benefit me. Even if (especially if) they make me skinny. I am realizing that the easy way out, is often the way out of really living my life.
There’s merit in getting through difficult moments – actually feeling the feelings and then working through them - or at least exploring how I got to them. I think it’s worthwhile to get beyond the self-disgust, resignation, sadness or frustration and look at things from a different perspective. There are lessons and challenges within them. There are ways to grow buried just under the surface of these moments.
In 2014, I'm trying to find my way back. I will catch myself operating on autopilot. and I will stop and look around. I will hear what the experts have to say, but I will look at the information for myself and trust my own instincts. I will stop and take walks even if they don’t lead to checking something off my list. I will learn for the love of learning and I will not let a sound bite determine what I should wear, buy, eat or look like. This year, I plan to embrace the challenges. I want to learn the lesson for myself, even if I make mistakes and it takes longer and I have to stop and think and do things differently than everyone around me. And it will be intentional. I’m going to count my blessings and use my gifts. Every one of them.
Saturday, April 20, 2013
Allowing
It takes some time to settle into a space, even just a simple state of mind. I haven't afforded myself much of that time. The endless to do list allows for nothing. But it's the allowing, I think, that's the key. The best things seem to happen when I stop doing. Time to stop. And be. And allow.
I think I owe that to myself.
Let's see what happens...
Friday, December 16, 2011
In Praise of My Inner Freakazoid
weird and wonderful girl, you have set me free.
you pushed me over the lines into that scary expanse and endured those funny looks. you dressed me in all the "wrong" clothes and got me to sing loudly before I could think to contain my voice. you gracelessly blurted your truth, our truth, for all to see and hear. you pushed me right out there into that awkward spotlight for all to see. and at first i cowered and cringed. but i found that i could still breathe. and i could still be loved.
some people walked away. others, my favorites, stayed. and new people... wonderful people, and even some like-minded freakaziods appeared out of the woodwork. i would never have known them but for you and all the strange frequencies you sent out into the universe.
thank you for continuing to think when i stopped. thank you for refusing to follow the rules that didn't make sense. thank you for pushing back when i tried to push you down. thank you for speaking up.
i thought you were brave than me, but it turns out i'm actually you.
you pushed me over the lines into that scary expanse and endured those funny looks. you dressed me in all the "wrong" clothes and got me to sing loudly before I could think to contain my voice. you gracelessly blurted your truth, our truth, for all to see and hear. you pushed me right out there into that awkward spotlight for all to see. and at first i cowered and cringed. but i found that i could still breathe. and i could still be loved.
some people walked away. others, my favorites, stayed. and new people... wonderful people, and even some like-minded freakaziods appeared out of the woodwork. i would never have known them but for you and all the strange frequencies you sent out into the universe.
thank you for continuing to think when i stopped. thank you for refusing to follow the rules that didn't make sense. thank you for pushing back when i tried to push you down. thank you for speaking up.
i thought you were brave than me, but it turns out i'm actually you.
Monday, May 2, 2011
Three cheers for murder?
I feel a little queasy over this whole thing. I heard my son's 9 year old friend proclaim that he was "psyched that they killed Obama". People on TV are announcing to the world that they have never been prouder to be American. After seeing that, I couldn't be more embarrassed for us. Our proudest moment is a murder? Seriously?!
Politicians are absolutely glowing as they hold up newspaper headlines that read "Rot in Hell" next to photos of Osama Bin Laden. Is this who we're proud to be? I'm really struggling with this. It looks like a parody to me.
I'm not joining anyone for a $2 beer to celebrate an assassination.
Wednesday, April 27, 2011
To Do
write to camera companies re: "picture this" idea.
research recycling in Zimbabwe - talk to shantha
Write something!
get to car wash (with kids)
clean out drawers and get some of this crap out the house.
declutter kids' window sills
get to michael's for mermaid stuff for tate's party
Party favors, swedish fish, goldfish crackers
plan ben's party
call a dermatologist about that dark freckle
refill essential oils for cellulite and varicose veins
research camps or make plans for August
replace broken recorder
summer shoes?
baby gifts for acupuncture babies
revisit t-shirt designs and logos
dietary write-ups for patient charts
walk/yoga
salt bath
research recycling in Zimbabwe - talk to shantha
Write something!
get to car wash (with kids)
clean out drawers and get some of this crap out the house.
declutter kids' window sills
get to michael's for mermaid stuff for tate's party
Party favors, swedish fish, goldfish crackers
plan ben's party
call a dermatologist about that dark freckle
refill essential oils for cellulite and varicose veins
research camps or make plans for August
replace broken recorder
summer shoes?
baby gifts for acupuncture babies
revisit t-shirt designs and logos
dietary write-ups for patient charts
walk/yoga
salt bath
Monday, March 7, 2011
I'll BE the hero
I'm not waiting anymore.
A cause walked into my living the day Shantha Bloemen came to visit with her four year old son. She'd just received the call that her husband, Munyaradzi Gwisai, and 44 others had been arrested for watching videos of uprising in Egypt. For meeting to see what they could do to change their circumstances.
Until that day, I had not given Zimbabwe much thought. I didn't think about Robert Mugabe. I didn't know enough to care.
But now I care.
Robert Mugabe, my friend is suffering. Her son is missing his father. And his father has been imprisoned, tortured and charged with treason. Children are without there parents. Families are without their breadwinners. People are without a voice and they live in fear. But I have a voice, and now a reason to use it. And I will use it to help set my friend's husband free.
And though I have felt the twinge, I will not act out of hatred. Or anger. I will come from love and conviction. I will share a truth... over and over until people notice. It's already happening. With empathy. Creating solidarity. I am making friends and learning their stories. And sharing them. We are finding common ground and supporting each other. We are sharing good ideas and giving a voice to people who are too scared to use their own. We are growing. And we are everywhere.
So far, 39 of the 45 have been released, and I am very happy for them. But I will continue until the other 6 are free. And I won't go back to sleep. Because I know there are others now. And I care about ALL of them now.
I'm awake now. I'm paying attention. And I'm on a mission.
A cause walked into my living the day Shantha Bloemen came to visit with her four year old son. She'd just received the call that her husband, Munyaradzi Gwisai, and 44 others had been arrested for watching videos of uprising in Egypt. For meeting to see what they could do to change their circumstances.
Until that day, I had not given Zimbabwe much thought. I didn't think about Robert Mugabe. I didn't know enough to care.
But now I care.
Robert Mugabe, my friend is suffering. Her son is missing his father. And his father has been imprisoned, tortured and charged with treason. Children are without there parents. Families are without their breadwinners. People are without a voice and they live in fear. But I have a voice, and now a reason to use it. And I will use it to help set my friend's husband free.
And though I have felt the twinge, I will not act out of hatred. Or anger. I will come from love and conviction. I will share a truth... over and over until people notice. It's already happening. With empathy. Creating solidarity. I am making friends and learning their stories. And sharing them. We are finding common ground and supporting each other. We are sharing good ideas and giving a voice to people who are too scared to use their own. We are growing. And we are everywhere.
So far, 39 of the 45 have been released, and I am very happy for them. But I will continue until the other 6 are free. And I won't go back to sleep. Because I know there are others now. And I care about ALL of them now.
I'm awake now. I'm paying attention. And I'm on a mission.
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