Best Life Ever

I suppose it seems pathological to spend time knowing what you'd like on your tombstone, especially when you're not even sure you believe in tombstones, but since Ross and Ben and Shen and Tatum, I've known that that's what I'd want it to say.

There has been, there will be more, suffering.  It doesn't impact how I feel.  This life has far exceeded my expectations.  I've already experienced love beyond my imagination, have enjoyed so many miraculous surprises... wish after wish has only proven that my imagination is insufficient.  There are hard things and painful things and I don't get everything I want, but even that has contributed to the richness of it.  Comfort, it turns out, is numbing. And discomfort so very revealing. I've had so many opportunities to grow... and sometimes I've even seized those opportunities.

And my mistakes - they have been profound and even catastrophic at times - but they have made some of my good decisions feel nothing short of miraculous.

Ross is my favorite. My best decision ever. I've made a life out of growing with him.  Sometimes I lay awake at night just smiling and crying at my incredible luck.

I don't know what's ahead. Right now I don't want to dwell on it.  I just want to be right here in this moment, grateful that all the best things I can think of are right here in my life.

Model it for me. Please.

Today is the Women's March on Washington... and everywhere, really. There are marches taking place all over the world and I have been invited to participate a number of times. But I'm not participating.  And while that's not a statement in itself, it kind of feels like one.  It makes people ask who I voted for.  It makes people question whether I'm really supportive of women.  And that makes me question whether this really is a movement that is supportive of all women.  There are a lot of different kinds of women.  Do we all get to be respected? Or is it only the ones who hate Trump, support Hillary and wear knit pink hats to prove it?  I'm really not sure. I have a lot of mixed feelings. So I'm sitting this one out and I'm trying to see what it really means.

Facebook is a little hard to look at today. I want women to feel empowered, but this doesn't feel like empowered.  It feels like resistance.  It feels like propping up a symbol of hate and hating on it.  It feels like creating a giant Trump piñata spouting "pussy grabbing" quotes and giving women sticks. It feels a little heavy on blame.  Men aren't the only ones holding women back.  And neither are the women who are asking women to answer tough questions and take responsibility for some of their own unhappiness and dissatisfaction. It's an important day to observe what women do when the power and the podium are in their hands.  Will they model the support, fairness, equality and respect that they are asking for or will they dismiss and ridicule the people they claim are haters?

I want women to feel strong, empowered, loved and accepted, and I know there is some good in this. Or there can be. But not in an echo chamber. And not without navigating disagreements and differences of opinion with our values in tact.  I believe that real empowerment is cultivated, and therefore, can only happen one small brave moment at a time.  I think today might feel invigorating and inspiring for many women and it may give them a voice and that is amazing. But then we need to come out of the safe, supportive bubble of a Women's march and bring our voices into the "real world" where everyone will not see things in quite the same way and no one is "right".  Authentic voices must survive outside of the choir.

I hope they will.  And I hope they'll be voices in support not condemnation.