I've spent the last 6 years waiting for that nice long uninterrupted block of time that would allow me to make my big contribution to the universe, and it's finally dawning on me that that is never going to happen. At this point, I think it's time to accept the fact that achieving any of my remaining dreams will rely largely on my ability to use little scraps of time... And get in the habit of overlooking the other mundane "to do" lists for at least some of those spans.
Going from a single girl in NYC to a married mother living with in-laws in the suburbs in the course of a year through me for a bit of a loop. I got lost in the shuffle somewhere in there and put a lot of things aside. Pieces of me packed away in cardboard boxes and stored in the garage or the basement for years. Gradually, those parts of me are finding their way to the light of day again, gasping for air after being hidden away under crumpled newspapers and unused wedding gifts.
But I have a home, a business and I'm getting the hang of this motherhood thing, so it's about time to exercise some of these old muscles (literally and figuratively). Give my inner city girl a place to live, a way to thrive in the suburbs. I'm working on it. Spending more time with my old girlfriends, listening to my cheesy 80's favorites again, re-reading The Bohemian Manifesto and going for long walks alone. But I need more! There are too many other dimensions of me that have been starving for a little time and attention... and that after being quite indulged for many, many years before I had kids. So I'm planning to donate all those spare intervals to the poor, neglected colors in my prism. Prepare to be blinded by them.
This is going to take a bit of planning, however. I'm going to have to change a few habits. First of all, I need get over the overwhelmed, desperate feeling I get when I have some free time so that I don't spend all of it making lists in my head and trying to decide what I should do while those precious minutes slip away. Or at the very least, I should at some point write that list down, so that I don't spend the next span of time compiling the same list in my head. Yes, there will be laundry in the dryer and dishes either in the sink to be washed or dishwasher to be emptied. There will be a book I've been meaning to finish. A house I've been meaning to clean. There will be things I'd been hoping to organize and applications of one sort or another to be filled out. But some of those things will just have to wait while I write my masterpiece or go out for my walk. Maybe get a massage.
And I can skip that whole step of wandering over to the fridge and snack drawer. I don't want to realize one day that I missed my big chance to make my mark in this world because I was too busy eating.
Yeah, the next time I suddenly have a few moments to myself, I'm going to fuel my soul.
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